Little Loves, Twinkle Stars, and Snuggle bugs

FLU

2011-01-26T17:21:00.000-06:00

Soo, last week I was sick with what the dr. said was just a "viral infection- probably just a cold". I went with that... had never felt that bad with a cold, but, OK. Fast forward from Tues (when I went to the Dr.) to Saturday... Jeremy and I are out of town and the kids are with MiMI. 3 Kids are running fevers and puny. Low grade off and on... Until Monday... Tay wakes up with 103 temp, puking,lethargic, too weak to stand. I am waiting at the Dr. when they open. Diagnosis: Flu (which, is now decided that was what I had last week)and ear infection. When I get home, JD is running 103 temp... might as well just stay home, we are too late for tamiflu now.... By that night, Conner has 102 temp.. Here we go, we all have the flu. Needless to say, rough week. Still running low grade temps and coughing and snotting. Ugh... maybe we can hold on!

updates

2011-01-19T08:26:00.001-06:00

I feel terrible that I don't update this as often as I should! Things are just soo crazy around here! Between working, kids, sickness, starting ball and dance- AND I am trying to start up a new side job of photography, I usually only have seconds to hop on here and check things-never really long enough to sit and type anything. The only reason I do now it the boys are destroying something in the living room- but no ones crying so it's all good!!

So- here is a shameless plug.... I am now doing photography for fun and Money! Sassfras Images and I actually have a website in progress..... very basic right now, but, I'm working on it! So, if you or someone you know needs some pictures, contact me. Right now I specialize in on location... but, we can make something work for anyones needs!

sassafrasimages.weebly.com

SNOW

2011-01-13T16:57:00.000-06:00

We got SNOW! and Not just a little bit but a lota bit!!! We have been snowed in since Sunday night. Even Jeremy, who is dedicated to his job had to call in for 2 shifts. I was fortunate enough to be able to hitch a ride with the County Sherrifs department (who is also my neighbor) to my work. There were lots of people not making it in to their jobs and lots of people getting stuck! He even came and brought me home!!

It has been really nice being snowed in with these crazy people! We haven't really played out in in too much for a few reasons:

1- Conner HATED it!

2- it's a ton of trouble layering up 3 kids for less than 10 minutes

3- Tay has been running a fever and has a mystery rash. (called the dr and talked to them((also told them we were stranded and would basically have to go by what I was telling them)) and they said it sounded like a virus.)

I know one thing- this snow is gorgeous and who knows when we will see it again. I have truly enjoyed being snuggled up at home with the ones I love the most.

NICU reunion

2010-10-27T11:08:00.000-05:00

This is a very brief and short blog- sorry!! I need to do so much better at updating! But- life is busy and great!

B(brody)L(leighton)T(tatum)

These miracles are 5!!!!

The best shot of the day!

Silly Loves!

Look how big those feet are now!

These babies were less than a week old when the awesome nurses did imprints of their feet onto an apple- it hung outside the NICU for all the parents to see. those feet are smaller than your thumb!

On Oct 17th- we went to the NICU reunion- Tatum's 5th one!! Hard to believe still that my little girl is 5!!!! Anyways- while in the NICU we made some lifelong friends- friends that are there for us no matter what or how often we get to see each other- which isn't nearly often enough. And these babies pick up where they left off- hugging each other and not wanting to let the other one go..... They formed a bond in those little isolettes.... Well, before the reunion, we had a little photo shoot at Centennial park.... here are some of my faves!!!! I love you all!

Tears

2010-10-03T13:13:00.000-05:00

to make a LONGGG ( 5 year) story short- I will give you a summary. Jeremy... Tatum... JD.... and Conner; love them more than I could ever imagine. We have gone through things in the last 5 years that OBVIOUSLY not even death could seperate. They are my life..... and I have been remembering way too much lately.

You all make me so happy

5 years old!

2010-10-03T13:03:00.000-05:00

The Princess' Cake

Queen Laura and Princess Tatum

Love her soo much

blues

Royal Pajama Party

The queen recieving Royal pampering

Lovely little Princesses

Let me tell you! I love a party- but more than that- I LOVE PLANNING parties!!!! This party was by far- the best I have achieved so far!!!! We had a Princess Party- complete with royal proclamation invites- and you must be dressed in your royal attire to attend!!! All the girls were beautiful pricesses and the boys were the Knights! We had a royal dinner, princess games and cake and punch in "fancy glasses"! After the Princes and Knights went home, we had a royal pajama party for Tatum and her friends. It was so much fun!!!

The wonderful and crazy life of the Kelly's: RMH Birthday Dinner 2010

2010-10-03T12:39:00.001-05:00

The wonderful and crazy life of the Kelly's: RMH Birthday Dinner 2010

RMH Birthday Dinner 2010

2010-10-03T12:39:00.000-05:00

Everyone has that ONE place that holds a special place in their hearts; that ONE place where they feel loved unconditionally; that ONE place where you know that there is always a friendly face and a hug waiting for you; that ONE place that no matter how bad your day has been- there will always be some encouragement waiting for you.

That ONE place for me is the Ronald McDonald House. And that place isn't just there for me- it is there for soo many people. It is truly run by angels and I have NO doubt that God built it himself.

Our birthday Celebrations are just a *tiny* way of thanking them for being there for us when we needed. And maybe be can give encouragement to someone while we are there. Kinda helps to see that these 1 pound babies grow up to be 5 year olds too!

blankets

2010-06-05T09:58:00.001-05:00

For anyone who has known Tatum for any amount of time, you know that she loves her blankets! She has 6 fleecy/silky blankets and slept with then nightly!! When she was little, we never left the house without one or two of these blankets. Her love of these started when she was tee-niney in the NICU. Actually- the first time I held her, I was using one of these blankets. Everyone of her blankets have a story and we LOVINGLY remember where each of these blankets came from. We even had professional pictures made at 1 year old with one of these blankets....

Fast forward to about a month ago: Tatum got a BIG GIRL bed from my dad. And that first night she slept with the blankets. And I think that was the last night.... She didn't need them anymore. What happened to not being able to sleep without all 6 blankets?? I wish I could remember the last night she wanted her blanket(s)- wish I had taken a picture to remember when she obviously grew up over night. This past week, we cleaned up her room and boxed up some things that we didn't play with anymore. We boxed up some dolls and toys that were mine from childhood that she is gonna save for her babies. I washed all the blankets and asked if she wanted to out them away. She said she wanted to save them for her babies, but wasn't ready to put them in a box but didn't want to sleep with them- could we just put them where she could see them if she needed them.

Whew- there's still hope she's not grown yet! And I'm so glad that she didn't want to box these blankets up- I think I need them!

Happy First Birthday Conner

2010-05-19T08:32:00.000-05:00

It seems like only yesterday that I was being rushed into an emergency C-section, being put to sleep and praying to God with all my being that my baby would be there and be okay when I woke up. So many prayers were said for me and Conner during my pregnancy- and no doubt that without them, I would have had another preemie miracle....

Fast forward One whole Year!!! My baby just had his first birthday yesterday and it is so hard to believe!! He is the sweetest baby and had made my heart happier just by being in my life. No doubt that life is crazy for us and some days I just want to sleep and cry from exhaustion- but, I cannot imagine my life without this precious baby boy- this suprise that God gave me for a purpose.

Thank you Conner Dean- for being my sweet boy; for loving me like you do and being a momma's boy(because secretly, I love that you want me so much), thank you for giving me that sweet toothy grin with your wrinkled up nose at exactly the moment that I need it... Thank you for being my last baby and for teaching me so many things that I hadn't experienced with the first two kids....

emotions

2010-04-28T09:07:00.003-05:00

I have been in Centennial Women's Hospital multiple times since August 2005; twice as a patient for myself, 1001 (seemingly) times to visit my babies or my nephew LBH when he was there, and several times to visit and thank the people who saved mine and my baby's lives. I always get a pit in my stomach when I walk in there. The smell of the hospital and the sounds have never changed in the last 5 years and when I walk in there, I instinctivly want to head to the 7th floor to visit my child; even when they are holding my hand beside me.

I have struggled with that for 5 years. But, I do not think I have ever been struck as hard with those emotions as I was this past Monday... My sister is having pregnancy complications and had to have a cerglage put in due to an imcompetent cervix. Walking into those doors, and the first thing I got was the smell (CMC doesn't stink at all- it just has a distinctive smell to me). Then, we register her in and walk her to a room. A patient room. I have never been on the sit and wait side of that... I was always the patient. I guess I see now how they seemed so calm- it's all a front for the person laying in the bed. I cannot even begin to describe how hard it was to sit there. For starters, my sister in only 19 weeks pregnant- way too soon for my niece to be born yet- what if this didn't work or what if this sent her into labor... what if.. what if...

and then my mind goes back to when I first walked (well, rolled- I was on a stretcher) into this hospital and all those fears for my tiny baby that was soon to be born came flooding back. (and bear in mind, I had 2 tiny baby's there). It was at times all I could do to keep from breaking down into sobs. We have had many a scary day at Centennial Women's Hospital- and thank GOD that we made it though it all.

And yet, on MOnday, I just sat there. Assured Dana that everything would be fine- this was gonna work... AND I'M STILL PRAYING IT DOES. And allowed my heart to cry out silently to God, because my mouth wouldn't work. And played the tough strong sister that takes care of everyone- because that's my job. Fear and all- I will do this because I'm needed.

nervous mommy

2010-04-21T15:49:00.002-05:00

Well, I have never considered myself as an overly paranoid mommy. And in my profession, I see many of those and often wonder why they are so overly paranoid.

Well, I guess I can be added into that category after taking Conner to the ER for a fall. (Let me add that after 3 kids- falls DO NOT phase me... I have never even called the Dr for a fall/bump on the head).

Yesterday, Conner fell from our bed; straight down onto his head. He didn't cry at first and then only for a minute. He then went limp and very lethargic- we had a very hard time keeping him awake and he wouldn't hold his head up. Just seconds before the fall he was laughing and playing so this was a huge difference. We gave it a few minutes and then decided to take him to the ER where I work to let them look at him. Ultimately, we ended up signing him in where he got a CT scan of his brain and x-rays of his neck. He didn't act like himself all day- but, they told us everything was fine and what to watch for with him.

There have been many times that I have had children as my patients for the very same thing and have questioned is it necessary. And some of the times it may not be. And who's to say it wasn't necessarry for Conner. But, when a parent is so fearful, as we were yesterday, you have to make sure they know you view them as important. I know I won't be so quick to judge the next time I get a kid from the ER for a fall- having been in those parents shoes and knowing how scared they are.....

So.... add overly paranoid mommy to my resume. (that title is probably already there, it's just now written in bold!)

11 months old

2010-04-19T15:56:00.001-05:00

So, I find it extremely hard to believe that this time last year I was laid up in the bed.... wondering when my last day of pregnancy would be.

And NOW- this precious baby is 11 months old!!!!! Do you realize that means his FIRST birthday is in a month????? and I will no longer have a baby??????? Ugh... so hard to wrap my mind around!

update- just for you Stephanie

2010-03-24T09:40:00.003-05:00

I saw a good friend of mine the other day, sadly, at her mom's funeral. She informed me that I hadn't updated my blog lately! She is so right.... so, Stephanie, this blog is for you. I love you girl and I am so sorry for your loss... My heart truly aches for you.....

To say that 2010 has been busy so far would have to be an understatement!!!! So far, we have had JD's 2nd birthday, 1 trip to the emergency room, several trips to the Dr- upper respiratory infections, migraines, buckets of snot, coughs and the stomach bug.... and it's only March! Oh and we have visited some of our Fave people- The Ronald McDonald House and Centennial NICU. We also walked last weekend in March of dimes Walk for babies- in HOPES that one day, all babies will be born full term and healthy....

Jeremy and I are also working with Giles County's Relay for Life Team- I am on the County's committee and the Captain of our local Hospital's Team and He is working with me and Wal-marts team. To say that Cancer sucks would be an understatement and we are trying to do our small part to help raise funds and awareness for cancer research and treatment.

The kids are growing more and more every day!!! I think that once JD turned 2- his speech light switch flipped on- he amazes Jeremy and I everyday with the things he is now saying. Conner is fastly catching up to JD- he is only about 3 inches shorter than JD and 3 lbs lighter- they will be in the same size clothes this summer. These boys keep me on my toes- that is for sure!!!

I cut Tatum some bangs this weekend. She isn't a fan and whines/cries about them almost daily. I think they are the cutest thing ever and wish I had cut them sooner!!! She looks so grown up with them!!!! She is playing peewee softball this year along with dancing still- which is her passion. She is still the smallest one on the field and in her class!!!

been a while.....

2010-01-20T12:54:00.005-06:00

Conner's first snow- for what it was worth!!! He and I were sweating in this pic even though it was like 11 degrees!

gnawing with those 2 teeth that Santa Claus brought him!!!! Could have brought mom and dad some energy with those teeth since we were the ones up all night with him!

To say things have been busy the last few months would have to be an understatement!! Between, Holidays, sick kids, a death in the family, and trying to work extra shifts and taking call- what little mind I had left is just about gone!!!!!

This is a Conner Dean update!!! It's so hard to believe that on Jan 15th, 09 I was 20 weeks pregnant and starting my bedrest with him. On Jan 18th, 10- Conner was 8 months old!!! That is so hard to wrap my mind around! These past 8 months have gone by in an absolute blur!!! He is amazing- as I'm sure most "normal" babies are!

The past few months have brought Conner's first Christmas- and he got his first 2 teeth!!! Literally- they came in Christmas Eve Night- we were up all night working those teeth through!!! It was so wonderful to spend Christmas with our family and not have to worry so much about germies. I still worry, probably more than I should though- but, hey, I have earned the right to be a worry wart!!! He truly loved all the lights of Christmas and the paper was his favorite gift!

We are now trying to eat anything we can get our hands on- we may be transitioning to real food soon as he has no interest in that yucky baby stuff! He is sitting up for longer and longer periods of time now too! He is crawling too! Which is so funny to watch! He will get anywhere he wants to go either by crawling or rolling.

The one complaint with Conner- he still doesn't sleep all night!!!! We have tried to cry it out method and it's not working! He doesn't give up and that in turn manages to wake JD and then we have 2 crying boys- which is not good!!!! Oh well, I guess we will be sleep deprived a little longer- I better enjoy my snuggles while I can get them!!!!

A little bit of Christmas!

2009-12-28T09:56:00.003-06:00

This is just a little bit of our 2009 Christmas!!! Thankfully, aside from snotty noses (which is the norm for our kiddos)- everyone was over the horrible stomach bug! We had such a wonderful Christmas complete with the kids getting even more spoiled! It is so wonderful to know that we are all loved by so many people. I think God just has ways of putting people and things in place when he knows you need them the most.

This was probably the best family photo we got this year- it's hard to get 3 little ones to look in the same direction AND smile at the same time! This pic was snapped in between Conner Dean crying! I am a little sad to know this is my last-first Christmas! no more babies!!!!!

I hope this New year is wonderful.......

My Sweet JD

2009-12-16T15:02:00.004-06:00

I love this little boy! He is a total sweet heart and is a comedian!!! He has a precious giggle and does some unbelieveable cute things.......

So, to all the rude people out there...... There is nothing wrong with my baby! Yes- he's small. Yes- he has a BIRTH MARK (hemangioma) on his nose, but,that doesn't mean something happened to him. And NO- he isn't talking yet. ( I understand he's almost 2 and you are amazed that he doesn't talk).

But, ya know what..... he almost died. He was a tiny 1 pound 12 oz baby that contracted several serious infections.... one of which kills 90% of babies that get it- and he survived! And regardless of how hard it if for me to deal with his speech delay- I am just beyond blessed that he's still in our lives. I would NEVER ask a parent what was wrong with their kids face- why are people so rude???

OK- soap box.... I'm getting off now!

Like it's your last day....

2009-12-14T15:01:00.003-06:00

Last week, I had a dream that shook me to my core- brought me to my knees in fear! I dreamed that this sweet little girl was gone... No longer in my life. This dream was so vivid and real- I was hysterically sobbing and was almost unable to control my emotions when I woke up and realized that this precious girl was snuggled beside me in the bed. I can not imagine my life without Tay in it- the joy she brings to me and others.... She is so loved by so many people. I am so lucky to be her mommy. I have dealt with the idea and possiblity of losing her before... but, that was 4 years ago when I didn't know how much I could truly love this precious little love.....I have been so nervous the past week to let her out of my sight- afraid it may be the last time that I hug or kiss her.... I make she she knows I love her "higher than the highest kite ever flown, deeper than the deepest fish ever swam... I love you more, so much more than you're ever known."

And I hope they do.... all know that I love them more than they could ever know.... I cannot imagine my life without my babies!

(Just an FYI- I would be equally lost if I lost JD or Conner, but, she was the one in the dream...) (I am all teary as I write this even.... someone told me to write it down, that it would help take it off my mind.... that's what I'm trying)

A day in the leaves

2009-11-14T19:55:00.003-06:00

Conner in the leaves! (not crying right now)
Sweet JD

My Precious Family

Sassy Jane

My little loves

Last week, we went to my Sis-in-Laws and played in her leaves. I had wonderful photo ideas in my head and thought I could get some beautiful shots of my kids. My kids, on the other hand, obviously didn't get the memo. They didn't really even want to play in them much. (Well- JD was ok to be face first in them, but, that's not a pretty shot)! Every time you sat Conner in them, he started crying and Tay was getting dirty- such a girl! I got a few shots though. And a pretty good family photo- minus my cleavage (sorry!)

Kelly Pumpkin Patch

2009-11-02T13:05:00.002-06:00

In trying to decide what to do for Halloween that would include the entire family and not require alot of cost, we decided the kids would be pumpins. JD's costume was Tatum's and I got Conner's on e-bay. It took quite a bit of convincing for Tatum to be on board with the whole pumpkin theme- so I made her a lovely tutu and she was the pumpkin princess! Jeremy and I were the pumpkin patch farmers- Don't we grow lovely pumpkins??

moms are NOT superheroes

2009-10-28T09:41:00.002-05:00

Momma's do not have time to get sick!!! But... here I am! As I am typing this, I was suppossed to be on my way to Chattanooga for continuing education (which, I was highly looking forward to.) Tay's first Halloween party is this week, along with Halloween- which is Conner's first Halloween.

Let's rewind back to Monday... wake up fine- get Tay to school. Come home and the boys lay down to take a nap and I take advantage of the situation and nap too. Wake up around 10:30 shivering.... finally make it out of the bed- temp of 99.3- which is pretty big for me as my norm is 96-97. By 11:30- temp is over 100 and I am almost in tears from the pain... call Jeremy to come home. By 1:40 when I get to the dr, temp of 102.6. Diagnosis: (I'm sure you have guessed it) h1n1 flu! Dr.S said there is nothing else that can come on a person so hard and so fast.

That brings me to today..... still running a fever and I am quarantined at my momma's. Jeremy is taking care of the kids and being the momma and the daddy. Which is killing him because the kids are missing their mommy. He said it's so hard to convince them that it's ok that I'm not there when he is missing me terribly too! I want to go home so bad I can't stand it! According to the CDC, I can go back to civilization when I have been 24 hours fever free. I am sooo hoping that my fever will break and stay gone- soon!!!!! I do not want to miss Halloween! And, I'm sure that Jeremy isn't gonna want to do the whole Halloween thing with 3 kids by himself!

Pray- HARD- for us!!!!!!

new endeavors

2009-09-26T12:21:00.004-05:00

I am embarking on a new journey.... I have always loved pictures and taking them and have just kinda "played" with them. I am starting to get serious! This was my first photo shoot with Jeremy's family. These are some of my favorite pictures from that day.

Kinda funny....as my profession, I take pictures of peoples insides...now, I'm gonna take pics of their outsides too!

The rest of my faves/touched up pic are on my facebook!

a (semi) quiet moment

2009-09-09T15:49:00.003-05:00

I am waaaaayyy behind on blogging! Sorry- but, 3 little ones are pretty demanding! I'm taking a moment to catch up- 1 asleep- 2 fighting sleep- but, no one screaming or really needing me at the moment- we will see how long it lasts!!!!

I was sitting here- rocking Conner and he was having a heart to heart with me- he "talked" for probably 5 minutes- there is no proof because every time I pressed record on my phone- he stopped- when I hit stop- he would start up again.

As we were chatting- I was thinking that this is the most wonderful thing in the world- snuggles with your sweet baby. I guess I God allowed me that quiet moment with Conner to remind me that I do love being a mommy. Just minutes earlier- I was truly about to lose my mind- naptime wasn't an option for the others. (Conner is again talking to himself to keep himself awake- oh well.. he isn't crying...yet!) This mommy of 3 little ones is tough stuff.

Don't get me wrong.... I LOVE being a mommy. But, it is hard! Seems like someone is always needing something. And sometimes I feel like I just can't give them all 100 % without short changing someone. Or without losing my patience and mind... I'm sure the sleep deprivation is playing a large role in the mental breakdowns.

Sometimes....all you need is a rocking chair and some snuggles to bring your mind back to what you love the most.

soul friends...

2009-08-03T12:47:00.003-05:00

Happy (early) birthday Miracle babies
Tatum and Leighton

CRAZY!

Laura and Lorrie- Love her!

Love these two

This past week, me, my mom, and the kiddos took a road trip to visit our NICU buddies that leave near Knoxville. Leighton and Tatum were born a few days apart- his b-day is the 22nd and Tay's is the 25th. We always try to get together around their birthdays to celebrate. They were in the NICU together and we definitely formed a lifelong bond. They are some of the best people that I know and will always have a huge place in my heart.

Hard to believe that our tiny miracle babies are gonna be 4 this year! Thank God for tiny blessings!

Tatum's first day of Pre-K

2009-08-03T12:40:00.002-05:00

Here are just a few pictures of Tay that I took on my moms camera.

Today was Tatum's first day of Pre K. We were there less than an hour and I think it's really more for the parents, but, first day none the less! She played and played with the other kids. She made new friends- but, she didn't know "thems names." She goes on the 13th for her phase in day and then starts going all day on the 18th. I did pretty well today- I'm sure I will be all emotional on the first day that I have to leave her. I have no doubt that she will be fine *tear* without me. She wanted me to just leave her today!

Ahhh... they grow up so fast!

My baby is walking

2009-06-27T14:32:00.004-05:00

Let me tell you- I am one proud momma! *tear* JD has been taking a few steps here and there for a few weeks, but,as of today, I would defintely say I have a walker on my hands!!!! After I got him up and fed him, we were sitting in the floor playing. He stood up and walked halfway across the room and lunged into my arms and hugged me. He hasn't stopped walking since then! He is still extremely cautious with his steps and he is still falling/stumbling alot. BUT, he gets back up and starts going again. I think he is as proud of himself as I am.

One reason I am so proud is not only just because he's walking. But, he was preemie. He has beat so many odds set against him. He has done so many things he never should have been able to do- including live....(great... emotional mommy here...) At first, he excelled in meeting his milestones and never was really far behind. Then, he just kinda stopped. He stopped trying to walk and stopped talking. Who knows the reason- I pray it's just a preemie thing and nothing more serious, but, who knows. We are working on language and he is trying so hard- you can tell! But, most words sound like grunts or screams. Our TEIS is going to get us a audiology consult. But now.....

We are walking!!!!! And I am so proud of my sweet Joel David (JD)!!! Love this precious boy!

I think it's kinda ironic....

2009-06-21T22:00:00.002-05:00

So.... As most of you all know by now, I am a paranoid and sometimes crazy person! This week, I took Tatum and Conner to the Dr for different reasons, and Conner also needed a weight check. This is how it all went....

Tatum: I took Tay because she had been complaining of her stomach hurting for about 2 weeks. If you remember, she is still battling reflux. We have been on meds for about a year and if we stray from those, it is a very bad and very messy situation! Well, in addition to the stomach aches, she has had runny poop (sorry if TMI- but relevant) and had even vomitted (thank you red dye drink that was drank while mommy and daddy weren't around). SOOOOO- the Dr proceeds to tell me that the meds she had been on for her reflux can sometimes cause loose stools and abdominal cramping (which would also be referred to as runny poop and stomach aches) ARGH! If I had known that, I wouldn't have been so paranoid about the constant complaints! Solution: take her off her meds (plug in crazy look from me here) and see if she still needs them. We will see.... WE are 4 days puke free, but, she is starting to have that refluxy cough and she is gagging alot. UGH, big kid puke is NO fun!

Conner: I took him because he had been hoarse for about 4 days. Wanted to be sure nothing was wrong with him. Well, Dr. S thinks he is probably having some baby reflux, totally normal, especially given the amounts he is eating. Here is what is ironic with him- makes me giggle! I have to take him back again this week for another weight check- know why? Because he gained 1 pound in 6 days- he is getting TOO BIG! I have 2 kids that are too small and now one that is too big!

Laura (ME): My middle finger on my Rt hand had been hurting (well, more like I wanted to cut it off it hurt so bad) and was a pussed up and swollen. I had "doctored" it myself without much success. Jeremy was convinced my finger was gonna rot off- thanks honey for the vote of confidence! Anyways... when I took Tay and JD, I thought, I'll let him look at it and see what he thinks. (our kids Dr is also our Dr) Well, he looks at it, shakes his head and says oh my- that's bad (or something along those lines). Well, apparently, I have some sort of bacterial infection in my finger (really big word that I don't remember). And infection so bad that I had to take a really stong oral antibiotic to treat. Are you ready for the irony here?? The cause of me getting this infection was likely from washing my hands so much! I apparently had a hangnail, and from washing hands or bottles or whatever, got water under my nail from the torn hangnail which just kinda sat there with no where to go and got all bacteria like. I will just have to watch because I don't see how I can cut my handwashing down with all the diapers I change and booties I wipe!

Almost makes you want to laugh, huh?

3 weeks old

2009-06-08T23:47:00.004-05:00

Conner is 3 weeks old today! Wow- time is going by quickly! (as I'm sure the next 3 weeks will fly by too since I will be going back to work).

I am still adjusting to being a mommy of 3- 3 LITTLE ONES! 2 in diapers and 1 sassy girl who thinks she's the queen! I must say, it is kinda hard at times, especially since I was on bedrest for almost 18 weeks and wasn't even able to take care of my 2, then I have 3! It seems that everyone needs to eat at the same time, is crying at the same time- and I swear- they all even POOP at the same time!

But, with all the adjustments and some tears (mine and the kids)- I am loving every minute of this! I am loving being a mommy of 3- and while I wouldn't have planned a 3rd baby- I thank God everyday for sending me a 3rd miracle.

I cannot think of anything better in my life than being a mommy!

Oh yeah- JD is starting to walk! He will take about 5 or 6 steps- look at you and laugh and plop himself down and crawl to where he was headed! He can do it though- he is just being stubborn!

Conner Dean Kelly

2009-06-01T06:42:00.003-05:00

I am so sorry that I haven't updated my blog in 2 weeks! But, life in the Kelly house is CRAZY! But absolutely wonderful!

As you may remember from my last blog, I had started getting sick again. When I went back to the hospital that night, it was decided that I was likely spiraling into HELLP syndrome again (this is what caused Tatum and JD to be born early). Unfortunately, my bloodwork (mainly the blood clotting ones), wasn't any better and I was unable to be awake during the C-section. Aside from missing Conner's first cries and actually being able to have him brought to me for a visit, it was probably for the best. I was absolutely freaking out- pretty much having a panic attack! In hindsight, I'm kinda embarrasssed (especially since I work with these people), but, I couldn't control the way I was acting! I did feel guilty because Jeremy wasn't able to be in the room, but, the did let him sit outside the door. And, one of the nurses in the OR was a friend of mine and took pictures during and after the surgery.

Conner Dean Kelly was born on May 18th, 2009 @ 6:58 pm. He weighed 6 lbs 0.4 oz and was 19 5/8 inches. He had a head full of Dark Hair! He looked absolutely NOTHING like Tatum or JD!!!!

I spent (well, what is told to me) a long time in surgery. I had lots of scar tissue and and they tied my tubes(yes- this will be the last beautiful Kelly baby!) When I returned to my room, they wheeled me by the nursery to sneak a peek at my baby- I was in love (but, so drugged that I don't think I showed much emotion). After what seemed like forever to me- they brought Conner into my room- it was one of the most wonderful moments of my life- there is nothing like having your baby brought to you- no wires, tubes- NOTHING! Just a precious newborn baby! We were later told by one of the nurses that we were stingy with our baby- never letting the nurses keep him for us! I am stingy! I never had the normal "rooming in with baby" expierience- I wanted him with me ever minute- I wanted to be a normal mommy with a normal baby-

AND BY GOLLY- I HAD WORKED HARD FOR THIS!!!

We are adjusting well- Jeremy and I are having to read the What to expect the first year book because we don't know anything about babies like Conner! I have even called twice already to ask a question about him! We are nervvous first time parents even though we are on our 3rd child! Even the first night, we asked the nurses if we could put clothes on him- and we were saving the diapers for them to weigh! They laughed at us!

(and to those of you reading this who don't have preemies, you will probably think I'm crazy too- but, to all my preemie momma fans- you totally understand!)

There are probably many more details that I should add in this blog, but, due to time- this is all I can do. Having Conner is such a wonderful think- I struggled with it, but, God knew my heart and gave me this child for a reason. He has completed our family-we are beyond blessed to have him here- but, also beyond thankful for it to be OVER!

God answered our prayers and gave us a full term baby!

Hospital visit #2

2009-05-18T13:30:00.002-05:00

Well, this is just a quicky! I went back to the hospital this morning becasue I am still feeling awful and just didn't think things were right......... Urine (which visibly looked horrible) and bloodwork were done, Conner looked great on the monitor.

Here's the deal.... They let me come home.... to get my stuff together to come back at 4. My platelets had dropped alot and are pretty sure I have a kidney infection/hydronephrosis/kidney stone/ who knows- junk in my kidneys....

Problem is: My platelets dropping is a huge red flag that something is going on. Could be the first sign that HELLP is repeating. The plan is that Conner will be born tonight or tomorrow. But, I am on blood thinners and as of now, my blood isn't clotting well enough for me to be awake during Conner's birth. I go back at 4 to have all my blood rechecked- and hopefully it will be good enough to stay awake during the surgery. I would hate to miss the cries I have missed with my other two..... So, we are gonna have a baby soon!!!!!

Hospital visit

2009-05-17T16:06:00.003-05:00

So, as some of you may or may not know, I took a little trip to the hospital Friday night. I had gotten up from my nap around 2 ish- not feeling just great, but, thinking that it was just the pizza that I had eaten immediately before laying down. I am hurting in my upper abdomen, which always gives me cause for concern, but, I'm trying to rationalize it out and not freak myself or anyone else out. So, the afternoon goes on and I get to feeling worse and worse. The pain is becoming horrible and I am getting nauseus. Then it dawns on me- THIS IS HOW I WAS FEELING WHEN I GOT SICK WITH JD.... Ok- so now, I'm really freaking out. When Jeremy get Is home from town,I'm sitting on the couch crying. (OK- let me make a side note here- part of why I'm crying is because it is Friday night now- about 8 ish- Tatum's FIRST dance recital is Saturday @ 1 and I want to be there!) Well, we decide that I do need to go to the hospital to get checked out. I first take a shower, because I have been down this road before and I do not want to get stuck in the bed without taking a shower first. Of course they were waiting on me because I had called. They were all thinking- Oh crap! Laura's coming with abdomen pain- we are having a baby soon.... (Feel the need for another side note for those who don't know all my baby history- my first sign that my body was getting sick with Tatum and JD's pregnancy was upper abdomen pain- which is what I was having Friday- not a good sign for me or anyone who knows me). Well, I get down to OB- tell the nurse that I need to pee, to bring me a cup (you know they always want a preggo girls pee) and I'm gonna need some labs- (OF course, they already knew all of this, I was just trying to speed things up). They get all that going....

Well, they get me hooked up to the monitor and Conner's heart rate is way high- which was causing more alarm than my belly pains... They start an IV on me and start pumping me full of fluids. Conner's heart rate finally calmed down, they actually think he was Tachy because his momma was in pain.... Please son, don't share my pain! Well, my labs came back GREAT! So, for now they just wanted to watch me, keep me on the monitor and make sure my blood pressure didn't decide to shoot way up. Jeremy and I told them we wanted my labs re-drawn 6 hours after the first ones- due to history. (With JD they were normal the first time and 6 hours later I was headed to Nashville in the back of an ambulance... so I knew the difference a few hours could make.) Well, the Dr didn't really want to, said my first ones were too good for me to just rest there and go home later that am. (it's about 2 am at this point). I told him if he wasn't going to do anything else and he thought I was fine, then to just send me home and sleep in my bed.... about 15 minutes later the nurse came in to tell me that lab would be there in a little bit to repeat my labs- I WON!!!! Well, after NO sleep, I finally ask the nurse about 6:30 if my labs were back. Everything was still good except my platlets had dropped. HMMMM, that is one of the signs of HELLP syndrome. However, with me getting so much fluids and NOTHING else had changed, it was likely that they had diluted. So, I went home and got to go to Tay's recital. Got home from the recital and went straight to bed!

So, here's whats going on now...... I am still hurting (they really weren't sure what was causing my pain) I'm not hurting nearly as bad as I was Friday night, but, none the less hurting. It is my upper abdomen and it hurts the worst when I breathe. I'm gonna callt he Dr in the morning and let him know that I still feel this way. At the least he can repeat my labs to at least put my mind at ease... I only have 10 days left til my scheduled c-section, but, we may not make it that far...... I'm ready now though. I wasn't Friday night- I was terrified and couldn't stop crying.... But, I do NOT want to cause any stress on my body that would cause something to happen to Conner.

I'm full term!

2009-05-13T16:36:00.005-05:00

My sister did these pictures of me- she would have probably done TONS more, but, after about, um, 4- her camera battery died! We will probably have another "session" soon before Conner comes. Try to get some wiith JD in them. Tatum wanted her picture made with Conner! I think these turned out pretty well- My attire is my bridesmaid dress from Dana's wedding as the skirt- turned the straps in and (obviously) didn't zip it up! My "top" is the scarf that went with the dress! I think it turned out pretty well.....

On to my weekly Maternal Fetal Group appt.... I was so excited to go this week as we were getting an estimated weight for Conner. They estimated Conner as being 5 lbs 14 oz!!!! WOW!!!! He is actually a little small for a 37 weeker, but no where near enough to be concerned about, especially considering there are some full term babies born that size. The Drs in Nashville told us a long time ago that they don't think I could produce big babies- regardless of my history or how wonderful I was doing. But, a baby that is almost 6 lbs is like a whopper baby to us!!!!!!!

So, with us already being sooooo excited over Conner's weight, the Dr came into talk to us. She told us such wonderful things! One being that the blood flows, while are still abnormal, look good. That Conner was doing great and that I was doing great. They were extremely pleased and proud of how well I have done. The Dr also lifted my bedrest restrictions. She didn't take me off- but, I can get up and do a few things as long as my blood pressures are doing good. She doesn't want me taking care of my kids by myself, especially since I've been on bedrest so long and have lost so much strength. But, she also said that at this point, they would just deliver me and things would be fine! I still don't want to risk anything........I'm still doing alot of laying around- try to do a few things and either my blood pressure starts acting up or I am exhausted from just a minute of being up! We are on the count down now...... 14 days from today!

A few little tid bits from our appt yesterday: The ultrasound tech says that Conner is LONG- we will see how long, but, he sure does seem wrapped all over my belly! He has quite a large foot (also by US), but, it seems as bigger on the ultrasound screen as Tatum and JD's do on my tattoo from when they are born! Also, they said that Conner has hair! How exciting since I have had 2 bald babies!!!! Of course, will probably all fall out, but, super excited about having a baby born with hair.

So, all in all..... good appt in Nashville this week. They want me to come back next week but, after that- I'm done!!!! Hopefully, my Dr appt here will go as well on Friday. Tatum's dance recital is Saturday and I can't wait!!! Praying for super blood pressures!

Happy Mother's Day 2009

2009-05-11T07:29:00.002-05:00

I had an absolutely WONDERFUL Mother's DAy!!!! It started off with a headache, which made me nervous, but after 2 Tylenol at 5:45 am- and back to bed, it finally went away. So here comes a sweet little girl about 6:30 ish- happy Mothers Day Mommy! And back to bed we go!! I asked that they not go to church, since I wasn't able to go with them. I said Jesus had a mommy and if she couldn't go to church, he would stay with her too! I know, selfish of me, but, I wanted to spend all Mother's Day with the babies that I LOVE! Jeremy made me homemade waffles- and served them to me in bed! JD had already been in and loved on me and by now was taking a nap, so all 3 of us ate breakfast in bed!!! Tatum and I honestly (other than bathroom breaks) never got out of bed! We stayed there until 11- then Tay and her daddy went to get lunch. (McD's- nothing exciting). We ate lunch- and then went back to bed- we all took naps!!! (Well, some more than others- I think I slept the longest, but, we all got to rest a little bit). Jeremy got a little gift for Momma's day too- he hasn't been able to catch Conner moving and feel him- it never fails that he will be moving like crazy and as soon as Jeremy puts his hands on me, his gets still. Well, Conner had the hiccups and not only could Jeremy feel them, his hand was jumping with each little hiccup! We have a stethoscope that Tatum likes to pretend listening to Conner with and had brought it into the loving room. We thought we would try to see if we could hear Conner- you could hear a little "thump" everytime he hiccuped- Jeremy was beyond amazed!!!

We later rode a few houses down to my sisters to have mother's day supper for my momma. Grilled hamburgers and hotdogs, since that's what she wanted. It was nice to spend time with them. It was an emotional day for all 3 of us- we have all been through so much as mother's- we have all been faced with the possibility of losing a child. Being a mother is truly the most wonderful thing in the world. I am so thankful to have been blessed by this honor. You never truly realize how precious it is until you are faced with losing your child..... not an easy thing at any age.

I had such a wonderful Mother's day! I love being a Mommy! There is nothing better!

Several attempt at a family photo- we are cute regardless of how the pic turns out!

My momma, me and my sis

It was so bright outside- but-not too bad!

Me and my babies- and a big ole tummy!

35 weeks 5 days

2009-05-05T18:11:00.003-05:00

WOW!!!!!! I will be 36 weeks pregnant on Thursday!!!! Honestly, did you really ever expect me to make it this far?? I didn't! But, I am thanking GOD every single day that he gave me this chance; this expierience; this precious baby boy growing in my tummy.....

All of us piled up on the couch- I'm pretty sure Conner was getting smooshed and was adding his elbow to the mix of Tay and JD's!
Before one of my Dr appts- My hair looked good and my kids were cute (as always)

Tatum Loves Conner! She always talks to him and never leaves without kissing him and telling him bye!

Well- this is thrown in there- Just because they are so stinkin' cute! And I love them to death!

I am about 33 weeks pregnant here- Tatum wanted to take a picture of me and Conner- she made me put my hands on my belly! A future photographer like her mommy!

So, today was my weekly appt at Maternal Fetal Group in Nashville. Honestly, it takes me longer to get there than it does to get in and out of the office. I had a really good check up this time. My Rt and Lt uternine artery pressures are still abnormal (have been since 23 weeks) but, for the first time (that I can remember) Conner's cord blood flow was NORMAL!!!!! The ultrasound tech commented several times that how great it was that it was normal since it has been abnormal in the past. Provided something fluky doesn't happen, I should be able to deliver at Hillside now! I am beyond excited to deliver at my hometown hospital; it is where Jeremy and I were both born and my employer. They have been so great to me during this pregnancy. I can honestly say I am honored to work with the people that I do- they have been some of my biggest supporters!

As far as my pregnancy, I am feeling pretty good. I'm getting to that uncomfy stage as my belly is hard as a rock- It's not smooshy and fat like it used to be! All filled in with baby Conner! I am having a flare up of carpal tunnel in my wrists- absolutely killing me! Whats worse, is that the pain is the worst at night and is keeping me from sleeping. I'm prety sure that Jeremy is soon gonna be on the couch so I can spread out in the bed!

Keep on praying! I'm sure if Conner were born now, he would be fine. Especially since they can't catch him not breathing for the entire length of the scan! Which is wonderful! I still want to keep him cooking a little longer though! Pray for all my other preggo preemie mommas- I want them to cook their babies as long as I have been able to!

The Noticer

2009-04-27T09:01:00.003-05:00

I was lucky enough to be able to read The Noticier byAndy Andrews- even before it is released tomorrow.

This book was about a man named Jones: not MR. Jones or __Jones- Just JONES. Jones was an old man and had been old for many years, yet somehow, never seemed to age. Jones had a way of finding his way into peoples lives at the moments they needed someone most. Ironically, it was the times that people would need God most that Jones appeared. In this book, for example, it was when people were down on their luck, a divorce, someone who was thinking that their life just wasn't worth it... Jones had a suprising way of not only finding these people, but by being able to comfort these people in just the first few minutes of talking with them. By reaching such a comfort level with these people, they were much more receptive to what he had to say. While he never quoted from the Bible, there were always Biblical principles implied.

After reading The Noticer, it almost makes you wonder about the people who have been put into your life at the moments they were. How, if we all take the time, to pay attention to the situations we are in, that somehow the people we meet during those moments, good or bad, that those people could have a tremendous impact on our lives- if we are receptive. We should also take notice of the time we come into other peoples lives, as we could help them in some way too- without even knowing they need us.

I would defintely recommend The Noticer by Andy Andrews- it was such a wonderful book that pulled you in and didn't let you go. I got up the next day, wondering if Iwould meet Jones......

Sorry for the delay

2009-04-25T14:33:00.002-05:00

I greatly apoligize that is has been over a week since I updated! Our laptop charger isn't charging the computer and I have to use my few minutes of freedom to get on the desktop. It has been an exciting week to say the least..........

On Tuesday, we had our weekly appt in Nashville at the Maternal Fetal Group. Sorry, he was hiding his face, so the only new pics I got were of his huge feet! On Ultrasound, they look to be the size of Tatum and JD's combined when they were born. His large foot is gonna look funny with my tattoo! (sorry- I digress...) Well, at this appt we got and estimated weight for Conner- boy, were we suprised when she said 4 lbs 13 oz!!!! We brought JD home from the hospital at 5 lb 3 oz- so, you can imagine our suprise. I truly thought that Jeremy was gonna fall out of his chair- he actually had her repeat it! Everything there looked good= see ya next Tuesday.

I went to the hospital Friday am for my weekly NST. Conner looks wonderful but, they questioned if I were having some contractions. Which, I have been questioning myself, but, seeing as I have never had labor, wasn't for sure. Got really nervous when my nurse, another nurse, AND my Dr came into my room while I was on the monitor. The other nurse just came to say HI, and my Dr was there, so he came and looked at my strip- don't they understand how paranoid I am?? Don't do things like that to me!!! I was sent home with my usual instructions- except this time, she told me what to do if my water broke or if I was having more abdomen tightening. Could be braxton hicks or could be contractions. Most importantly, if I thought anything was wrong DO NOT take my lovenox injection. I have to be off my bld thinner 24 hrs prior to delivery to be able to stay awake during the surgery.

After my NST, I actually had a Dr appt. Too bad he couldn't have seen me in the hopsital, would have saved me a trip. Blah, Blah, Blah, routine stuff. Told me he wasn't gonna let me off bedrest until Conner was born. I asked about attending Tatum's dance Recital on the 16th- I will be over 37 weeks- considered full term. He said that why would I want to risk anything since I was doing so good. I told him that at that point, I thought my good was good enough. I also told him I would probably go anyways. This is VERY important to me and Tatum. She would know if her momma wasn't there. I cried for about 3 hrs over that. Yesterday was a pity- poor me day!

As of Thursday, I am 34 weeks. In terms of Conner, that means lots! obviously, he is a healthy weight. The part of his brain that so many babies born prematurly get brain bleeds in has closed, almost completely eliminating chance of a brain bleed. If he were born now, he would most likely be fine- and shouldn't spend much time in the hospital, especially since I've had the steroids already. I am BEYOND thrilled to be this pregnant (excpet I am beginning to get to experience all the negatives of getting this big- but, not complaining!)

OH YEAH- I have a delivery date (as long as things continue this way) May 27th. (I will be 38 w 6 d) almost scared to tell people, as I don't want to jinx anything! Everytime I ever told anyone when my other 2 babies were coming home, they acted out in the NICU and we had to stay longer. Just please pray that we will have a May 27th baby!
(Sorry Jennifer- 25th is a Monday, and my Dr only schds deliveries on Wednesdays! Thought about ya though!)

Dr appt- almost 33 weeks!

2009-04-14T17:21:00.002-05:00

Sorry- this isn't a new picture, but, it's still cute!

So, today is Tuesday, so that means a weekly trip to Maternal Fetal Group in Nashville. For some reason, I was so incredibly nervous for todays appointment. I'm talking, I was making a mental note of the things I wanted Jeremy to pack for me to bring to the hospital. I don't really know how to explain why I was so nervous, but.... I was....

Well, on to my appt. The Ultrasound girl brought me back and started the scan. I think we were in the Step child room that no one uses (hey- she even made the comment that no one uses that room). This machine didn't even have a printer! Anyways... I digress.... So, she is scanning and gets her measurements then turns on the monitor so that we can watch Conner on the Screen. He had been so calm until we got into the room to do the ultrasound, then he began moving and flipping! She measured Conner's cord blood flow and my right and left uterine artery bloodflows. Other than my lt uterine artery having a notch, she actually said my flows were- GOOD! That was so nice and such a relief to hear. At that point, I could exhale the breath I had been holding. So, another week down! It's crazy to think if I can stay pregnant for 3 more weeks, I can deliver at Hillside. I truly never thought I would get this far- but, I am thankful to GOD everyday that I have.

Just wanted to catch you up!

Call for Kids

2009-04-14T16:21:00.002-05:00

Sorry it's has taken me so long to blog this- for all the people who have requested more info on the Call for Kids.

Please watch Nashville News Channel 2 this Sat, April 18th starting at 7 pm. It is the annual Call for Kids that the Ronald McDonald House has to raise money to fund the house. This year, they did a family interview with our family and there will be a segment on our family.

The Ronald McDonald House is such a wonderful organization; I truly believe that the House was a Godsend to us. Between the wonderful place and what it stood for and the staff who truly love the families, it was a Home away from Home. I cannot even begin to express my love of this house and what it has meant to me and my family over the last few years.

Please take the time to watch the Telecast this weekend- call and pledge some money if you feel compelled. Even if you aren't able to donate, you can go to the website and donate your time-rmhnashville.com

Tay is breaking my heart

2009-04-11T08:43:00.003-05:00

I felt like this one deserved a seperate blog from my other long one! As I had blogged earlier this week, Tay wasn't sleeping well/staying in her bed. Well, Wednesday night, she didn't get up until 4:30 am, so we were thinking it was a one night flukey thing. Then, she spent the night with my momma and there were no problems there. Well, here we are- Friday night- beginning at 9:30 when we finally got her in bed. For 2 hours!! she was up and down, back and forth from her room to ours. At one point, she had come into our room for the 3 or 4th time, and Jeremy thought we would try ignoring her. She was crying soooo piitifully! I finally told Jeremy that if we kept ignoring her, I was going to cry too. It breaks my heart to hear her cry- especially when she isn't being ugly, she is truly upset. What is worse about this, is that something is bothering her, but, she, for some reason, isn't able to express what's wrong with her.

Well, here's a kicker- that makes me want to cry even now thinking about it. I think Jeremy was very hesitant to tell me this, knowing my emotional/hormonal state, but, he did and I have it on my brain. Well, one of the times that he walked her back to her room, and he tries to talk to her, reason with her why she should stay in her bed, etc. She tell him, that she doesn't want to sleep because "Mommy's on bedrest and I'm scared for her" - do you know how my heart hurt from that? How guilty I feel that she thinks I may not be here when she wakes up in the morning? (I know, she could be using it as an excuse, but, she comments on m y bedrest all the time- including mentioning that Paw Paw was on bedrest (in the nursing home) and then he died. She actually asked me if I was gonna die.)

AHHH- we are at our wits end with her and this sleeping thing! I know she wants in our bed, but, it's not gonna happen! If this continues, I guess we'lll make her a pallet on the floor and she can sleep in the floor. Any suggestions on how to deal with all of this?????

Week in Review

2009-04-11T08:11:00.003-05:00

So, today has been a pretty good/uneventful week. Well, aside from Tatum not sleeping. As I'm typing this, I am 32 weeks 2 days pregnant!!! 32 weeks was my goal and now I have passed that. It's kinda crazy that I'm less than 2 weeks away from the Maternal Fetal Groups goal of 34 weeks. At 34 weeks, you greatly reduce the severity of effects of prematurity, also part of the brain closes us greatly decreasing the risks of brain bleeds which is so common in premature babies. I have already had the steroids that have been shown to improve lung maturity. I had my weekly ultrasound in Nashville this week for BPP and dopplers- while my dopplers are still abnormal, they are consistent and until there is a drastic change or the flow reverses in the cord, they aren't worried. I'll be back Tuesday for the same thing...I'm always hopeful there's no change, I just wish I knew what his weight was....

Had my Dr's appt in town this week. My Blood Pressure is great, My NST at the hospital was great- they said Conner looks great! I hadn't gained any weight in the last 2 weeks, but, I didn't get in trouble this time (probably because I had gained 6 lbs in 2 weeks at the last appt). BUT, with all the weight I lost in the beginning, and then I just wasnt' gaining, I have only gained 6 pounds this pregnancy! While at my appt this week, I begged and pleaded to have a 1 day pass- just for a few hours, to be able to go to Wal-mart and ride in a wheel chair. I was shot down. I was disappointed, and I understand- why risk it when things are this good. Oh yeah- almost forgot... Very strangly, the rash that was on one side of my stomach is now on the other side (switched from rt to lt) and is almost mirrored from the other one. Doesn't really bother me- just weird! Well, the Dr thinks it isn't anything pregnancy related, he thinks my skin is reacting to my daily injections... makes sense, especially since it's not anywhere else.

Tatum and JD both went to the Dr this week. Tay is actually 31 pounds! JD was 18 lbs 11 oz! They are both struggling with allergies, gotta love Tennessee weather! Tay's allergies spiraled her into a asthmatic flare that she was able to get over. JD was just snottin' and coughin' horribley and just wanted to be sure that nothing else was going on. It was all allergies, but, he had an ear infection! So, JD's on an antibiotic and started on singulair allergy med. Tatum was given an inhaler for when she gets to coughing and wheezing so bad on exertion and pulmicort breathing treatment daily. Seems there's always something around here......

Sorry this is all so long! Had a lot to say!

What time is is... now?

2009-04-08T08:18:00.004-05:00

Last night, was to say the least a rough night for Jeremy and I. But, My heart was breaking as i felt so sorry for Tatum. Let me explain......

About 11:30 pm, about 2 hrs after Tay had gone to bed, she comes bursting into our room (we are sound asleep as well), absolutely hysterical. I think the dog may have done something to wake her up/scare her. Well, she had gotten in our bed, we calmed her down and Jeremy took her back to her bed. Which was the end of that. Or, so we thought.....

From this point on, obviously, we are in that deep sleep, so we drift right back off when she is back in here bed. Well, every few minutes, she is back- on either mine of Jeremy's side of the bed, gently rubbing our arm, sometimes calling our name. I truly lost count of how many times this happened. I know that this probably happened for about 2-3 hours. So, we would be off to sleep for afew minutes, and then woken up by a sweet, scared girl. Who knows what finally got her to stay in her room- or what was even scaring her! I defintely wanted to just cudddle her in the bed with me but..... it took us forever to get her out of our bed and tehn almost as long to get her out of our room. Don't want to start that again. Hopefully, tonight will be different. I almost wondered if she was sleep walking- but, she was quite alert to have been doing that.

So, we'll see..... Hopefully tonight will be a better night! No one got any sleep last night! (except JD who slept like a baby (ha ha) all night!

Any suggestions/ remedies for scared little girls?

Addendum: Just talked to Jeremy- all this started at 11:30 pm and Tay didn't finally stay in her bed until 4:30 am! It was a long night! (and I'm pretty sure Jeremy was up at 5 am to get ready and get the kids to Erin's) Hopefully we can all have an early bedtime!

31 weeks tomorrow

2009-04-01T10:46:00.003-05:00

Let me begin by apologizing for not bloggin in over a week! Nothing exciting to tell! (Which, is a good thing!)

I had my weekly Maternal Fetal Group appt in Nashville yesterday (Tuesday). I had my usual ultrasound with BPP and dopplers- right off the bat- Connner passed his breathing test- he breathed for the entire Ultrasound scan- never stopping! Way to go Conner!!! His estimated weight was 1514 grams- (to all my fellow preemie mommas- you will understand how excited I was to know that I had a baby big enough in my belly to be born and be able to wear clothes when he is born!). I was able to figure up in weight what he weighed because 1500 grams is big enough to wear clothes and that = 3 lbs 5 oz! (Well, it's actually probably 3 lbs 5.4 oz, but, the computer rounds to an equal number). His head measures bigger than his gestational age and his belly and femurs measure slightly smaller than his GA; but, given my history and the fact that my kids are still small, he won't be a whopper baby regardless of how long I carry him. He's already bigger than Tatum and JD were combined! It's a very weird thing to wrap my head around. It is also a very weired feeling in my tummy, as I've never had a baby this big and am expierencing a lot of things for the first time!

I also got to talk to the Dr yesterday. I have a strange rash on one side of my tummy, and Dr. Gists office wanted me to have them look at it since Iwould be there. They think it may be a pregnancy rash, but, it doesn't really look like a typical rash they see. Said it could be the beginning of PUPPS (which is a pregnancy rash that appears in 3rd trimester and itches like crazy with no relief, usually pops up in stretch marks.) Mine itches every now and then but not often. Have been putting hydrocortisone cream on it and taking benadryl. Dr. Lindzee at Mat Fet said she wasn't worried about it and that I was being watched so closely that if it were to cause any problem, we would catch it. She also remarked at how GREAT Conner looked and how well I was doing. She said she was really pleased with my pregnancy.

My first goal was to get past 28 weeks- I am now 3 weeks past that. My next goal was 34 weeks and I am only 3 weeks from that. I have said the whole time I was Due in June but, hoping for May- I am only 30 days from that now. I am so hopeful for that now. In the beginning, I would have never thought I would have been able to have done this. Maybe this HORRIBLE bedrest or nightly shots have really made the difference for me and Conner. I am also beginning to see/learn alot of the things that I have been missing- Everyone told me that God gave me Conner for a reason- it sometimes takes something like this- completely unexpected and out of the blue- to teach you many things. I have definetly learned how to pray again........

On to my other two sweet babies! They are both being plauged by allergies! Gotta love this time of year and weather changes. JD seems to be handling it all pretty well. Tatum on the other hand, has begun having her Asthma flare ups. UGH- I am predicting by the end of the week having her in the Dr's. This am she can't do anything for coughing! I think we are gonna need an inhaler for times like this- she isn't gonna be able to do anything outside if we can't manage this. She can play for a few minutes until she begins coughing so badly that she can't catch her breath. We did a breathing treatment this am that helped for about an hour. And both kids have snot covered faces- which means mommy has snot covered shoulders! Love them both!

Hope you enjoyed this LONG blog!

4D ultrasound at Hillside/ updates

2009-03-20T17:20:00.005-05:00

So sweet with his arms folded in front of his face

He managed to get his arms and both legs in this one!

Today was a very good day for Jeremy and I. We had a complete Ultrasound at Hillside (where I work) and they were able to get some really good 4D pictures of Conner. He defintely made Sheela work for these pictures though! He had his arms on or around his face the entire time! We were about to give up when he moved just a little and we captured some wonderful pics of Conner Dean. It is amazing the detail that you can see on these images- and amazing how much he looks like Tatum! He has chubby cheeks and a little pug nose!

Tatum is such a sweet little girl! She is so excited to have another baby brother- she says Conner is going to be Fat- and that it's ok for her to call Conner fat. She tells him every night before bed that she loves him and to stay in there a long long time. She has such a precious heart- and she makes me smile with the things she says. She is a mommy's girl- I hope she always loves me this much.

JD is still our little puppy dog! You will rarely find him without something in his mouth! He is so silly though! He has 3 teeth and will gladly let you see how they feel- he likes to bite! He still isn't walking; he is lacking some confidence still. He is starting to stand on his own a little- but, then he realizes what he's doing and plops on his booty. Last weight check- he was 17 lbs 10 oz; a petite little boy!

Landon had a good checkup at the Cardiologists. They aren't concerned about his PDA and don't need to see him until next year. Last weight check for him was 17 lbs 13 oz (he is 6 months younger than JD). He is very vocal and has the sweetest little chipmunk giggle! He loves his Aunt Lu Lu!

Continue to pray for us! Bedrest is mentally exhausting on me and Jeremy too, I'm sure. I'm not always in the best of moods- Imagine that!?

OH yeah! How could I forget?? Conner's Estimated weight- (and by the way, he is measuring LARGER than his dates)- 3 pounds!!!!! That's huge to me and Jeremy!

28 weeks 5 days

2009-03-17T19:01:00.003-05:00

The Ultrasound girl was so great at her job- that she had a few minutes to "play" She was able to get a few 4D pics of Conner- he was def not making it an easy task for her though! This picture looks just like Tatum and JD when they were this small- wierd huh?

Today was such a great day! As always, it began with LOTS of nerves and anxiety, as do all my weekly trips to Nashville. I had such a wonderful Ultrasound Technologist- she was wonderful at her job and you could tell she was expierenced. So much so, that she had x-tra time to "try" something- and that something was the 4D ultrasound sweet Conner. He made her work for those pictures though! But, for all the squirming that Conner did, I think they turned out pretty good- He looks just like Tatum and JD- don't you think?

Well, I met with Dr. Lombardi today while I was there. He had been prepared that I had several questions. There is no way for me to explain Dr. Lombardi other than he is military (marines actually), the founder of The Maternal Fetal Group in Nashville, and is amazing! He cracks me up and makes me feel so much better. Before he came to see me, Jeremy and I were waiting in the Ultrasound room for a few minutes. On my observation, my pressures were considerably higher today than last week. I was truly about to vomit/cry before Dr. L got in there. At one point, Jeremy told me I needed to calm down and I told him he just needed to quit talking to me. I was freaking out at that point. (for no reason other than I remembered the readings from last week and the were HUGE different this week). Anyways, Dr. L comes in there and obviously they artery pressures were the first thing I asked about- telling him I knew they were abnormal. He said that abnormal was just a word on the paper and while they were abnormal that it only meant that I was at risk for pre-eclampsia, which we have known I was at risk for since I even got pregnant. That was obviously my biggest concern- most of the other things I discussed were my meds and such. Which, he told me NOT to take anymore steroids- that I only needed ONE dose- not weekly. Suits me- those shots HURT! He proceeds to tell me that I do not look like a pre-ecclamptic women (and he's seen quite a few) and that Conner looked amazing! He is not growth restricted in anyway and if I were to become sick again with HELLP, that it would take 6-8 weeks at this point for Conner to begin showing signs of being affected. I don't want to get mine, or anyone elses hope up, but, hearing that meant so much to me and Jeremy. It was such a relief to hear that the Maternal Fetal Group thinks I'm doing well. I am just one of those worriers that needs reassuring from time to time. I told Dr. L that I was asking him for assurance since God couldn't directly speak to me and tell me things were going to be fine- he said he would be the voice of God for me! He did say that I had just cause to be paranoid and worry- and that I was justified in my concerns.

I feel sooo much better after today!!!! I'll be 29 weeks Thursday!!!!!

Skeeter and the Mystery of the Lost Mosquito Treasure

2009-03-15T16:23:00.002-05:00

I had the choice of choosing a DVD to review this time with my Thomas Nelson Publishers book review. I obviously chose a children's movies, seeing as I have kids (and secretly enjoy some of these movies!)

If you are interested in getting wonderful free books check out brb.thomasnelson.com and find out how to review/blog free books!

I am reviewing Skeeterr and the Mystery of the Lost Mosquito Treasure

This DVD was one of Max Lucado's creations- part of his Hermie and friends series. It has been my personal experience that anything by Max Lucado, is a good thing. In this story, Skeeter, is a mosquito with a crooked nose and a horrible memory and sense of direction. But, a wonderful sense of smell. His brother, Sinclair M. Skeeto, is coming to town. Sinclair is an avid adventurer with wonderful stories to tell and his travels tales preceed him to every town he goes to. Skeeter is less than excited for his brother to be coming; he always felt like Sinclair was better than him; especially since Sinclair had a straight nose and Skeeters was so crooked. Sinclair is on a mission to find a lost treasure that his dad had left. Skeeter decides to help Sinclair on his mission. After a few lost ways and crazy conversations- both Sinclair and Skeeter come to realize that they both evnied the other one- they both had their diffferences, but that is what made them both Unique and special. They were able to work together using their differences and found the lost treasure that their father had left for them. And if it hadn't been for them working together, neither one would have ever found it.

I truly enjoyed watching this DVD. My little girl who is 3, also seemed to enjoy it. It was a Bible based lesson that not only teaches on a childs level, but, encourages conversations between the parents and child about what was disccussed on the DVD. I would recommend this DVD to other parents for children to watch. I would also watch more of the Hermie and friends series by Max Lucado.

Never been this pregnant before....

2009-03-13T16:01:00.002-05:00

As I am typing this, I am officially 28 weeks and 1 day pregnant..... I have never been pregnant this far- both Tatum and JD were born at 28 weeks to the day! I am officially in my 7 month-- whoa now! Uncharted waters!!! It is a wonderful feeling and surreal at the same tiem. I am so hopefuly to get to 34 weeks at least, but, at the same time, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak....

Went to see my OB in town today- have to say, really unpleased with the care that I get there. AFTER waiting for over an hour and a half, there is nothing eventful to report. (Let me make a side note- he is the ONLY OB in town, so you can imagine how many pts he has). I feel like he forgets WHY I'm high risk. He didn't seem to think it was anything at all that I had made it to 28 weeks. (My other OB with Tatum and JD would have probably been as excited if not MORE so than me). I'm not saying I deserve extra attention and should be treated special but, come on! At least pretend you know what's going on with me. I went in all prepared to show my booty too- Not sure if I mentioned in any prev posts that I had to have the 3 hr glucose tolerance test. Well, I have bad memeories of this test- mostly of it making me very sick with Tatum and then 3 days later being in Nashville preparing for my first preemie. I begged the Dr office to please let me wait til after I got to 28 weeks, that was only a week from the point I was asking this. No NO- it's very important and you have to have it this week. Mentally, 27- 28 weeks was a very difficult week, with lots of thoughts and emotions... Well, fast forward 1 week and 1 day and that OH so important test that I HAD to have done- I hadn't even got the results! The Dr said he never got the results (refer back to my thought on importance of patients... if its really important, keep up with it and make sure you get the results...) Anyway... I know this seems very soapbox like. I'm just annoyed at only getting smally bits of info and being kept in the dark..... This pregnancy is very important to me (and lots of other ppl, just obviously, not my Dr. doesn't make much sense)

I'm doing great! Just hope this continues- I usually didn't have any warning of sickness with Tay and JD, that's what makes me nervous. My blood pressure is wonderful!! Had my NST at the hospital and Conner looks great. Took another Steroid shot too- better safe than sorry, I think...Maternal Fetal wants me to have 2 NSTs a week now, they are wanting to be overly cautious. I'll have one in Nash and one here at Hillside. When I go to Nash this Tuesday, I'm going to meet with Dr. Fortunado and hopefully, he can fill me in on all the gray areas of my pregnancy.

27 weeks 5 days

2009-03-10T15:43:00.002-05:00

I had my weekly appt in Nashville at the Maternal Fetal Group today. I have never been this far along and NOT been in the hospital waiting to have a baby.... So, needless to say, I have been on pins and needles with anxiety. I am nervous every week that I go to Nash- afraid of what my ultrasound might reveal....

As I have mentioned before in prev posts, the bloodflow in the arteries in my uterus were borderline high, which has potential to be a problem. But, they have been consisitent and pretty much staying the same. This week, she said they were about the same, one of them even measured better than the week before. I really needed to hear something like this as thinking about these bloodflows weighs heavy on my mind each week. Conner looked great- very active (as usual)- he likes to make the Ultrasound techs work for their images of him. He is still practicing his breathing- which is a great thing! Ha has flipped from breech position too. (Not that it really matters, since he'll be a c-section). His estimated weight was.... Drumroll...... 2 lbs 6 oz !!!!!!! That's a HUGE baby to us!

So, all in all, things are still going well. I am just scared to go to sleep at night, afraid of waking up the next morning and being "sick". With Tatum and JD both, I was fine when I went to bed and my world changed when I woke up. I know that's crazy- but, well.... you know me!

The Great Eight Book Review

2009-03-04T08:04:00.002-06:00

I recently stumbled upon someone elses blog that directed me to Thomas Nelson Publishers. Through their site, you were able to request a book and they would mail it to you- all you needed to do was write a blog about it. I decided I would enjoy this- my first book I chose was The Great Eight- by Scott Hamilton.

I was very excited to get this book as I love Scott Hamilton- I always have. This book was suppossed to be about 8 key things that have helped him succeed in being happy and overcoming so many of the hardships he has been through. While I truly enjoyed reading this book and learing more about Scott Hamilton, I really didn't see it as a book teaching me "happy habits". The one point that I really remember is what the 8 stands for. Perfect and the same on either side- and to be perfect, takes much practice. Which, would also apply to his 8 steps of happiness. In this book, he would briefly describe certain things, his 8. But, what made this book was all the stories and the way he told his stories. I really felt that he was sitting there telling me this story. I truly enjoyed reading this book. I would defintely recommend The Great Eight to other people. It is a wonderful book and amazing at what one person can go through and still come out on top!

Today's events

2009-03-03T16:48:00.002-06:00

This morning we got up BEFORE the crack of dawn and treked North to Nashville. My appt was at 8 and boy was it early (and cold). My faithful daughter, Tatum, went with us, as usual. She refuses to let me go by myself! We were there about 7:45 and we were getting back in our car by 8:30. The lady who did our Ultrasound, may have said 10 words to us- not very chatty. (Which, I am a chatty person and when I'm this nervous about things- I need a social person- no words tend to make me suspicious). Anyways, in the end, when it was done, I asked how everything was. She was like, no, your bloodflow is abnormal, but, it's the same it has been the whole time. So, there's no change. Conner scored well on his BPP, an 8 of 8- so unless I start feeling something different- keep on keeping on. Conner was very active (a little too active for the Ultrasound lady) and was practicing his breathing. They didn't do an estimated weight this week though.

Channel 2 came today and did a family interview- they were here for 2 hrs interviewing us and filming the kids playing. I can't wait to see how this video montage is gonna turn out. I am just so happy that we were able to do this for the Ronald McDonald House. The news people were even nice enough to come to our house to do this for us.

So, all in all- it has been a long and exhausting day. So, for now, I'll just keep on keeping on. I'll be 27 weeks Thursday- Keep praying for us. The next 2 weeks are critical. I need lots of prayers- and HOPE.

Pray for me (us)

2009-03-02T12:44:00.003-06:00

This is just a real quick post/prayer request. Hopefully, this will put my mind at ease. Please pray for me and my family for Tuesday. I have an appt at the Maternal Fetal group in Nashville to do a BPP (measures Conner's growth, watches movement, breathing, etc.), they will also be doing dopplers on me again; this is where they check the bloodflow in the arteries in my uterus. I am terribly nervous about those! They were borderline high last time, but, they hadn't changed from the time before (per the Ultrasound tech). I am just so scared of every little thing right now- especially since I'm getting close to 27 weeks, which is when things usually start crashing down on me........I am just scared that something will be red flagged!

Also, tomorrow, channel 2 is coming to our house after my appt to film my kids playing and for us to give a family interview. This is something that we are doing for the Ronald Mc Donald House's telethon to raise money. We weren't going to be able to do it due to me being on bedrest, but, they offered to come to Pulaski to do it at our home! So, needless to say, I'm more nervous about my house being on TV and the way it will look, more so than I am the interview. I just wish I could get up and do things!

Please pray for me in many ways. I have so many things racing through my head and I wish I could stop my mind- but, I don't know how. I'm sure I'm not the most pleasant person to be around some days, due to my moodiness! I just really need to get through these next 2 weeks- if I can get past 28 weeks, I will likely be a different person.

Also, pray for my Nephew Landon- he goes back to Vandy Friday for an Echo of his heart- this will determine if it's better or if he will need surgery. That precious boy has been through so much already!

JD's one year check up

2009-02-27T16:05:00.002-06:00

JD has his one year check up today! Poor baby, he got 6 shots!!!! But, his daddy had to take him, so he realizes how terrible it is! He is a tiny little boy! He weighes 17 lbs 2 oz and is 27 inches long! (He is gonna be tall and skinny like his daddy)! We are going to begin trasitioning to whole milk- we will see how this goes since the formula he has been on didn't have any dairy in it. We got rid of our Apnea Monitor!!! Yeah!!!! No more monitors!!!! Dr. Savage was't concerned about his weight- he is still on the curve and he could tell in his little time with him that he is very active! All in all, it was a good appt and nothing exciting to tell! JD is doing great!

when you can't sleep- blog

2009-02-27T02:14:00.003-06:00

Ok- it is currently 2:16 am and I am still awake. I am exhauseted and beyond frustrated that I can't give in to sleep. I have been in bed for over 3 hrs- tossing and turning- I've gotten up twice to potty- and I am finally giving it up. Maybe if I get out of the bed for a little bit, I can finally give in to sleep. I think part of my problem is turning my mind off from thinking a million and one different things- some of which, would likely lead to nightmares!

I had a NST today at the hospital (Non Stress Test). Basically, all that is really, is putting those pink and blue belts across my belly and monitoring Conner's heart rate- looking for any warning signs of distress- we passed that with flying colors! I will be having this done every week. It was kinda nice being back at the hospital that I work at and seeing some of my co-workers. I also got a whoping dose of steroids today and will got back tomorrow (rather, today now) for another large dose. I will be getting these every week from now on. These steroids are suppossed to enhance fetal lung maturity- I am just wanting to be prepared!

I then went on the the Dr.s office. Everything was fine there- I did, however, get in trouble for not gaining any weight since I was there last. I don't have a huge appetite and since all I do is lay around, I can't/don't eat much at one time due to feeling like I will explode when I do! I am having my Glucose Tolerance Test tomorrow, which I already know, I will likely fail. Steroids screw up your blood sugar- I ended up on Insulin with Tatum when I was getting steroids in the hospital with Tatum. I made this argument to Dr. Gist, basically, I was trying to get out of doing it. He agreed that it was probably inaccurate now, but, we also needed to know if and how much the steroids messed up my blood sugar. Ugh- OK! I conceede!

I wish I could suddenly forget how far along and I am how close I am to some scary days in my life. I began getting sick in my 27th week with Tatum and JD both; and I will be 27 weeks next Thursday. It makes me so scared to go and have my Ultrasounds/dopplers at Maternal Fetal for fear that even if I feel fine, it will show that I'm not. I go on Tuesday for that. I just don't think I'm physically, mentally, or emtionally capable enough of doing it all again. Even though, if I did have to, I'm sure I would find my strength somewhere- like I always have

Update: it is currently 3:13 am- I'm gonna try this sleep thing one more time!

Happy 1st Birthday JD

2009-02-23T17:30:00.002-06:00

JD's first picture with mommy and daddy! Taken in the OR by his NICU Dr. Karmo

Joel David (JD) Kelly- 2-23-08 3:32 pm- 1 lb 12.7 oz 13 3/4 inches

Kangaroo Care with Mommy! Quiet, precious times.....

JD today! A precious, happy baby!!!!

Happy 1st birthday to my little trouble maker; my puppy dog; MY Baby Boy!!!!! Today was a scary day for our family, but, we were prepared. You were born on your great Maw Maws birthday, so we were thinking it was gonna be a good day for you. You were born at 3:32 pm on a Saturday; 12 weeks early. You came out screaming!!! They said that JD stood for "Just Dandy." You had quite a few struggles in your NICU days, but, ultimately through lots of prayers and your stubborn ways- we only spent 10 weeks there, when at times, it seemed like we wouldn't go home at all.

JD- you have blessed our lives in soo many ways. You have defintetly taught us things only a boy could!!!! We have to be quick with you in our lives- because you are super quiet and lightening fast!!! I am so glad to have you in my life- I am even glad for your "Kelly temper", as it's probably what has gotten you through some rough days. JD, I love you so much and hope you know that you will be my baby boy forever!!!! You have a smile that melts hearts!

2009-02-14T17:40:00.001-06:00

Tatum's blog

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(sorry for this! Tatum was dying to write a blog!) No clue what it says, but, she did type her own name!

My thoughts for today

2009-02-14T17:18:00.003-06:00

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands . If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. . Forgive quickly God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be ! worth it.

I recieved the above statement in an e-mail from my cousin Paige. I don't know if she wrote this, but, it struck a cord with me today. It has made me think about alot of things.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets: I don't have many regrets, per say, but, there are many thing I have questioned and wondered if I had done something differently, would things have been different. I need to give up my guilts and quite blaming myself for things of the past.

So love the people who treat you right: I know I don't always show it, but, I need to be more loving to the people who treat me so well. I know in my heart that I love them, I'm just not sure I show it like I should. JEREMY, you have treated me so right- I am thankful for you and love you so much. I cannot even tell you how much!

Believe everything happens for a reason: As most of you reading this know, I have had some struggles; especially with this pregnancy. I do believe in my heart that this pregnancy, this baby, Connner, happened for a reason. Jeremy and I were chosen to be his parents. Even though, we wouldn't have had another baby with all that had happened with Tatum and JD. There is some reason that God blessed us with this baby. We just may not see it yet- there is a reason and God has a plan. He may grow up to find the cure fror HELLP syndrome (the cause of my two preemie miracles)

If it changes your life, let it: ENOUGH SAID

God never said it would be easy. He just said it would be worth it: There are MANY days, especially since Jan 15 when I went on bedresst, there have defintely been some days that haven't been easy. But, I just keep pressing on towards the goal (of a healthy baby) and realize it will be worth it. I have had many days that were hard in the last year- the days that JD was born, and then the days that he was so sick we should have lost him- they were defintely NOT easy days- but, they were worth it because of what I have now. It's sometimes hard to see things during the hard times.

I just really enjoyed the e-mail from Paige- and may have been on a tangent. I have so many things whirling around in my head over and over!

Tuesdays Dr appt

2009-02-10T13:44:00.003-06:00

I had another Dr appt today- jeez, seems like that's all I do these days! LOL (gotta have a sense of humor about this whole bedrest thing!) I will be 24 weeks on Thursday!

It went pretty good- I actually went in there about to lay it all out with as little or much attitude was needed. But, after waiting forever, when Dr. Gist came in, he immediately began discussing all of the things I was the most frustrated about. I decided not to show my butt today. As far as my thrombophillia panel (all the extensive bloodwork I had done in Nashville), he basically just told me that I was at an increased risk of blood clots and to plan to do my lovenox injections throughout this pregnancy (which, I was!) I asked about my Triple Screen for Fetal abnormalities that I had drawn in December; they were all normal. All my bloodwork that I have had is also normal; aside from what we already know is abnormal. My blood pressure is great (it's actually really low when I'm laying down- there have been several times I have felt like I was gonna hit the floor when I've gotten up). And for those of you who had been concerned about my weight gain (or lack there of), I gained 2 lbs in the last 3 weeks- so that is 6 now! I know my hubby sure is glad that I'm gaining! (he's not the one who has to lose it later on!)

Here's the plan of action that we have mapped out for now (between Maternal Fetal and Dr. Gist):

Maternal Fetal Groups Plan

~Ultrasound 2/20 with Fetal weight and Blood flow dopplers

~ Weekly appointments to monitor growth and blood flow weekly after 26 weeks (which FYI is Feb 26th)

Dr. Gist's Plan

~Weekly Non Stress Tests at Hillside Hospital beginning at 26 weeks (refer above to when that starts)

~ Steroid for Fetal Lung maturity Feb 26th and again 24 hrs later (not sure if I'll get more than those or not- that's the starter dose)

~ Office appts every 2 weeks

SOOO, in a nutshell, starting at 26 weeks, I am going to be at the Dr or hospital for tests a minimum of 2 times a week. On the weeks I have to see Dr. Gist, that will be 3 trips. Seems kinda silly to have a girl on bedrest come to the Dr so much! On the plus side- it means I get to breathe fresh air 2-3 times a week! I was kinda nervous at first when Dr. Gist told me about all the extra appts, but, YEAH- he said I can drive myself to my appts in town. It has been almost a month since I've driven!

Everyone has been so wonderful and caring and concerned for us- we can never truly express what everyone has meant to us. What is so terrifying is that I can be completely fine one day, and the next everything turn into, well, my preemie miracles. If I can just get past 28 weeks- My mind will be so much better. When I think about 28 weeks, I want to cry, throw up, panic, hide... I just pray- will all my heart and soul and all I have in me- that all these things that I'm doing WILL make a difference. It has to, right?

Robert Taylor aka Paw Paw

2009-02-06T08:38:00.003-06:00

Just a real quick post: Please pray for our family- Our paw paw went to heaven Wed morning. This has been hard, but, at the same time, a blessing. He had been in so much pain for a while, and missed his wife, our maw maw, since she passes away almost 12 yrs ago. He was ready for this and wasn't sccared at all in his last day. Today is his funeral, so it is gonna be an extremly hard day- to say goodbye to my last grandparent; and for my mom and aunts, to bury their daddy. Please keep us in your thoughts. I am, thankfully, able to go. As long as I stay seated with my legs propped up. I am just thankful I can be there for my family.

2009-01-31T09:48:00.003-06:00

Conner Dean Kelly
Sweet baby feet

Still a boy- and proud of it!

He was making a peace sign! The Ultrasound Tech was so tickled that she caught this!

This little boy flipped and flopped the entire time!

Conner waving again! (in a different position!)

Sorry! I know that you all were wanting to know about how my appointment went yesterday. Sadly, I don't really have much to report! There were no Dr's in the Maternal Fetal Group office yesterday, and they said they had faxed all my results to my Dr in town. (Which stinks- b/c they never tell me anything- I may have to be ugly at my next appt).

Had an ultrasound- It's still a boy! Let me tell you, the ultrasound tech had a very difficult time with him- he was everywhere! He is very active!!! She had to do baseling dopplers, which is checking to blood flow. Of course, she can't tell me if they were good or not, but, she said, judging by his growth, they were probably good. But, everytime she would get to where she needed to do the doppler, he would stick an arm, or leg and mess it up! In the end, she was like, I'm taking what I can get with this little boy! It was making me laugh- he is gonna be my wild child! (and hopefully my big child!) His estimated weight is 1 lb 1 oz- and I'm 22 weeks. (reminder: Tatum was 1 lb 7 oz, JD 1 lb 12 oz both at 28 weeks). Conner's growth was right on target!!!

Sooooo, for now- until Feb 10th, I'm taking lovenox shots in my belly every night. For, now, I'm taking these shots because I know that somethings going on with me, but still don't know what. It's a little frustrating- I would like to know what I'm up against! It took me about 10 minutes to give myself the shot! I would get close, then I would tell Jeremy I couldn't do it- for him to do it. Then, I couldn't let him do it. I finally did it, and it wasn't that bad. Kinda burned, but, not awful!

Just please continue praying for us. Pray that this bedrest and daily shot is gonna be the answer that we have prayed for. I pray that this is different from the rest. I feel I deserve something good ( I know thats selfish, but, it's honest).

Hold on

2009-01-30T20:17:00.000-06:00

Sorry! I know that you are all waiting on an update from my appt in Nashville today. Sorry- I will hopefully get to it tomorrow. I want to get my Ultrasound pics of Conner loaded in first! Soooo, to be continued!

exciting (bittersweet) news

2009-01-28T11:43:00.002-06:00

So, I wanted to blog this allllllllll day yesterday, but, was (trying) to wait until Friday when I go to the Dr and know more information. But I am absolutely bursting with hope and excitedment! To me- I am so thankful! To others, it may bring worry for me.

Let me explain........Tuesday, around 1:30, my cell phone rings. I just almost didn't answer it b/c I didnt' recognize the number. All of the sudden it dawned on me- It was the Maternal Fetal Group. I instantly went to- why are they calling me??? It was Debbie, who I always deal with, who has been there with all my kids and is such a sweet person. Well, she proceeds to say that she knows I have an appointment on Friday, but, that my bloodwork that they had done had come back abnormal. The doctors really believe that these abnormalities were what caused me to have complications with Tatum and JD. They are gonna give me a presciption and teach me how to give myself injections of Lovenox on Friday when I come. She just wanted to prepare me. I could hardly even talk to her I was crying so hard. I told her I was sorry, but that I was so relieved. She said this shot will help me.

Here is why it's bittersweet (not to me- I'm relieved). I don't know what the abnormalities are yet- I will find out more on Friday. But, whatever is wrong means that my premature births can hopefully be prevented. As a mother, you are willing to take whatever you have to for your children. I know it sounds horrible, but if it keeps me and Conner out of the NICU, I will gladly have something be wrong with me. But, it does mean that something is wrong with me and who knows what that will mean in the future. But, I'm willing to do whatever I need to do for my kids, my family. They are my everything.

emotional moments

2009-01-27T08:07:00.002-06:00

I will be quite honest. I have been an emotional roller coaster the last few days. It doesn't help that I'm on complete bedrest and having to depend on other people to do things for me and my children. And then, there's all the things in life that seem to be going wrong.

My Grandfather is still hanging on. He has, however, accepted that he will be dying soon- and he's ready. He's ready to be with my maw maw again- the love of his life. He has morned her since she died almost 11 years ago.

Mammy's surgery was a huge success. She is, however, throwing up everything she eats, and they have noticed some blood in it. She is having some tests today to see if they can figure it out.

And then, there's baby Drayke. He was born April 28th at Centennial. I met his parents and talked to them several times while JD was still there. Well, he had lots of heart and lung problems and was eventually sent to Vanderbilt. Well, precious Drayke had quite a roller coaster ride. With many ups and downs, more downs than ups, I'm afraid. (I kept up with this families blog the entire time). Well, last week, Drayke got a trach and they were finally thinking that they may actually get to go home! Towards the end of the week, Drayke began getting sick. They discovered he had the flu, NEC, and his heart and lungs were failing. And Ultrasound and several tests Monday showed his heart wasn't working. The Drs. told the family there was no way he could recover from this.......... They made the decision to take Drayke off of life support. He became a precious angel at 8:55 pm Monday night. He would have been 9 months old Wed.

To say, that I cried over this would be an understatement. I blubbered over this for close to 2 hours. For one, it's hard to keep my mind focused and hopeful- I knew this family. He was in the hospital with JD. WE have been so blessed!

But, mostly- my heart was breaking for this family. They have been through so much. They were so strong and optimistic. And to have a glimmer of hope, just to lose your baby less than a week later hurts me to my core. I can't imagine having to give my child to God. Please pray for Draykes family in the coming days- I know this is gonna be so hard for all of them. And all the people that Drayke affected in his short time on this earth.

cute things!

2009-01-24T11:17:00.003-06:00

I am just laying here, as usual, and I was thinking about random things. When one of Tatum's many funny sayings come to mind. For some reason, she is scared of deer. She knows that they are around our house and back behind where we live. She is constantly saying, when people leave- "watch out for deer, they may hit you!" It is the cutest and most sincere thing in the world. She does say though, that if you do hit it, you can take it to Uncle Mike and he will peel it for you! Absolutely hilarious!!!!

Crazy, rough day

2009-01-23T20:42:00.004-06:00

So, today has been a crazy day. Of course, it started out the same for me- get out of bed, brush, use the bathroom, grab the glasses and a pillow and move to the couch. JD has his monthly early intervention with Gina, and he prepared to wow her with his smooth moves! Then, Jeremy took Tatum and JD to the Dr's office- it was time for JD's monthly synagis (RSV)shot. While there, he also had Dr. Savage check both of their ears; Tatum still says hers hurts (likely for attention) and JD isn't sleeping at night. He is getting up on average of 3 times a night. Thankfully, both of their ears were fine. Well, while Jeremy was at the Dr was when things got worse.

Jeremy's aunt texted him that Mammy (his grandmother) was being going to emergency after a colonoscopy. She had a polyp that had ruptured and was leaking infection into her body. Jeremy is very close to mammy and she is a strong point for most of her family. I knew Jeremy wanted/needed to go, but, as I'm on bedrest, he needed to stay with me and our kids. Well, My best friend and sister came to our rescue. Erin took JD with her to her mommas in Athens. I'm quite sure they loved every minute of this! And my sis said she would take Tatum ( I was gonna keep Tatum, but, she wanted to come and get her). When Dana came to get Tay, I decided I didn't want to stay home by myself, so I road about 5 houses down and layed on Dana's couch all day! Mammy came out of surgery well! She is gonna be in the ICU at least until Sunday. They say she seems to be in good spirits. However,her being down and in the hospital means that Jeremy's uncle, Tim, is likely going into the nursing home. That is gonna be hard on alot of people.
My Paw Paw has been in the Nursing home for over a year. He has over the last few months and the last few weeks have been even worse. He was put into the hospital shortly after the first of the year. He has since been diagnosed with end stage Alzheimers. He also has COPD which makes it hard to breathe. Over the last week, he hardly knows any of us, he refuses to eat or drink and is in horrible amounts of pain. It is a horrible thing to watch. He is my last living grandparent...

(Not to make a pity party for me- as I'm not what this is about)- but this is very hard on me right now. I want so badly to go and sit with my dying grandfather, even though he won't know I'm there. To assure him that it's ok.... I want to go and visit mammy and let her know how much we love and need her. But, I'm on bedrest, and can't! I feel so guilty- laying around and not caring for the people that I love.

Please pray for My paw paw- Robert Taylor and mammy- Geraldine Kelly.

I want your blood

2009-01-20T20:02:00.002-06:00

I went to the Maternal Fetal Group today to have some detailed blood work done. I get there and roll up my sleeves and prepare. They took 10 large tubes of blood; Jeremy calculated it at about 1/2 a pint of blood. She would have taken 1 more tube of blood, but, my vein ws sputtering out- it was going dry!

Now, I have to anxiously awate the results. If this blood work were to show that I have some sort of problem with me blood, then, it could not only affect the treatment of me in pregnancy, but, also(hopefully) help to keep me pregnant longer. Deep down, I kinda hope that it shows something wrong with me. I would rather have something be wrong with me than to put another baby through what Ive already put two babies through. Not to mention what I have put so many friends and family through.

I pray daily that this baby will be different- maybe I will do everything right and will have a full term pregnancy- at least close to full term.

5 day Forcast (I mean update!)

2009-01-19T09:18:00.002-06:00

These pictures are from Wed- through Sunday. However, somehow, they popped up backwards. First- we attempted to feed JD some stage 3 spaghetti. I don't really think he enjoyed those noodles! He made to awfulest faces and spit the noodles out! It was really cute. He made some crazy faces- this was just one of them!

I took Tatum to get her first hair cut. (This was the day before my bedrest started). She did such a great job sitting there! She didn't need much cut, her hair still wasn't that long. But, it was fuzzy with baby hair. I wanted to cry, preparing to get her hair cut- I know, I'm such a sap! She's my little girl!

Then, along with my post about my awesome Husband, Tatum and Jeremy painted my toenails for me the other night. Tatum was so proud of herself. Mostly, she painted my entire toe, but, it made her feel so important to be doing something for mommy. She is continuously asking me if I can get up now. She is spennding lots of time with me- either on the couch or in the bed. She is such a sweet little girl!

Other than that, not a lot is going on. Spending my days on the couch or in the bed. After 5 days, I'm already completely bored! I said I would have never thought that laying around would make you feel so bad! OH WELL, I'm willing to do/try anything to carry Conner farther than Tatum and JD.

Hope everyone has a good week!

2009-01-19T09:12:00.002-06:00

This is my family! I cannot begin to tell you how much I love them and what they mean to me! I need to also tell you how much I love and appreciate my husband- Jeremy! He is waiting on me hand and foot and not complaining. JD has been getting up about 3 times a night, and he gets up with him and doesn't say a word. I apologize everytime he has to get up and everytime he fixes me something to eat or drink. He just tells me not to worry about it- that I am doing an important job- taking care of Conner. I could never ask for a better man than Jeremy. I am one lucky girl! Thank you Jeremy!

Day 1

2009-01-15T09:56:00.004-06:00

Well, today, Jan 15th, 2009 marks my first day of complete bedrest. So, far, not too bad. Not too sure Tatum quite gets it yet... I did trasnfer from the bed to the couch, where I have been planted since 8:30, except when I got up to go to the bathroom. This is definetly gonna be an adjustment though....... I had Jeremy fix me a PB and J and that is what I had for breakfast. I had Tatum bring it to me ( I really had to have to ask the people coming here to stay to get me things to eat and drink) Although, I know that all the ones that are coming here are more than happy to help me with this. So, right now, cartoons are wearing on me and I feel like a nap- but, don't want to lay down yet!

Yesterday/last night was a great day! I took Tay to get her first haircut- will post pics later! She did good- didn't cut much, just a trim. Then, me, Tay, my sis, and Ashley, a friend of mine from work went to Nashville. WE went to eat at the Spaghetti Factory and then went to the wizard of Oz at TPAC- it was a great night! It was nice to spend my last night out with Tatum, who will likely be the most affected by me being on bedrest.

As for the picture- I just love my Tattoo and posted it as my pic-

Conner Dean Kelly (and some stuff about the other 2)!

2009-01-10T19:20:00.003-06:00

So, I went to Maternal Fetal Group Thursday for my Ultrasound- I was 19 weeks that day. They scanned us and assured us (we already knew) that it was a boy- it was obvious to Jeremy and me both! Tatum went with is and absolutley loved watching Conner on the screen- although she did remind us that she really wanted a sister, not another brother. They said that everything looked good- and went over what the Dr had planned for me: Here's a quick rundown (of what I can remember, because it was alot!)
~ Bedrest @ 20 weeks- whick begins Jan 15th- Next Thursday!
~ another ultrasound with baseline dopplers @ 23 weeks, then again at 26 weeks.
~Weekly visits to Mat/Fet beginning @ 26 weeks to document growth and blood flow.
~ Continue med: baby aspirin, calcium, blood pressure (most important ones)
(this one, they called me with Friday)
~ Specialized blood work (thrombophilia panel) ASAP to check for any blood abnormalities. (gotta call them Monday about this one- our hospital isn't able to do this- they need a specialized kit for it- so, I'm doubtful that Dr. Gist's office will be able to do this either.)
~ PIH panel bloodwork @ 23 weeks

Even though I'm gonna be on bedrest, I'm gonna be busy! Ya know, this sounds bad, but, I kinda hope that they find something wrong with my blood so that maybe they can treat it and find the cause. I would much rather something be wrong with me than to deal with the past again. Ok- I think that's it! Or what I can remember!

Tatum: Not much to say about her! She is still as crazy and absolutely precious as always! She is loved by so many people! She is finally (I think) over all her sickness! She was in some dear friend of ours wedding in December- and these pics were from that!

JD: I guess someone told him that a new baby was coming because he is fastly trying to grow up! Over the past week, he has finally started crawling correctly, well, some of the time. He has been crawling for a while, but PT says he is doing it wrong. ( Truthfully, I don't care if he's doing it right or wrong- but, whatever!) Well, he is now pulling up on everything and everybody that he can! He has even started trying to cruise the furtniture! The only problem is his temper- he falls over and gets soo frustrated he has an allout tantrum! He is only 10 months old and doing all of these things! (corrected age- he's only 7 months old- I am such a proud preemie mommy!)

Jeremy: Can't leave him out. Well, nothing to report! He's as great as ever- especially because he has to put up with me! And the next few weeks of bedrest are gonna be a challenge for him too!

Not computer smart

2009-01-07T13:29:00.001-06:00

OK- so I'm really slacking in the computer skills department. I made multiple attempts to get my slideshow centered- but, I can't get it to work!!!!!

Maybe my hubby can help me when he gets home. I will repost it when I get it fixed!

2009-01-07T13:16:00.014-06:00

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here is a little montage that I made of my baby boys NICU Journey. I'm can remember every one of these pictures and what kind of day ot was for him- and for us. In the beginning, JD was amazing and was disprooving that 'wussy white boy' theory. He decided to hang with the popular kids and follow the trend at around 2 weeks- that is when our troubles began. Not gonna tell the whole story- what matters the most is that he is fine now! He has one heck of a temper and is very independant- we call it the Kelly temper!

Some people say that I dwell on my kids births and their experiences- and you know what- I probably do. BUT, they have been life changing for not only me but lots of people. They have helped make me who I am.

I hope you enjoy JD's Journey!

Update

2009-01-05T22:15:00.002-06:00

SO, I took JD to the Dr this morning due to our recent diagnosis of RSV. Much to everyones suprise- I am way more worried about this than the Dr. Truthfully, JD probably only coughed like 2 times today and I don't think I even had to wipe his nose once. I am actually coughing and sniffling the worst of anyone! (all this stress is taking it's toll on me). Dr. Savage, who I love and trust WHOLE HEARTEDLY said that you have to treat the patient NOT the lab results- and He looks and acts fine!

(again- I know that he seems fine- I just wish I didn't know he had RSV, but, then if I didn't know I would worry about that to!) If you don't know me very well- or know me somewhat- you will soon learn (if you don't already know) that I worry- ALOT!!

So for now- My precious baby boy is doing good- I am just hopeful that last week when he was sick was the worst of it and we are on the tail end of this sickness for him and not in the beginning (which is a possiblity also).

thank you Mollie for your comment on the previous post- as a mommy, you want to take the blame for everything- and by golly! I AM A GOOD MOMMY!! JD has always been my problem child- he wants to do all the sicky things that Tatum didn't. Thanks for reminding me that I didn't do anything wrong!

UGHHHHHHH

2009-01-04T23:29:00.002-06:00

Whatever it is I'm doing- I'm apparently not doing something right!

I am writing this while everyone is asleep and I will very soon be there too! (and My momma is coming in the am so that I can sleep in- we'll see about that-Tay and JD have diffferent opinions on me sleeping in)

Anyways... I digress... (really good at that...see...) Right before christmas,Tatum had an asthma flair and was eventually diagnosed with bronciolitis and an ear infection in the left ear.(that Diagnosis came on Mon. 12/29). By Tuesday, I had a slight cough, nothing major,didn't feel bad at all. By Tuesday Night, JD was running slight fever,coughing, runny nose. Jeremy took him to the Dr. Wed morning. By Thursday night,Tatum was complaining that her other ear was hurting and Jeremy and I were both really sick. Friday morning, all4 of us piled up into the Dr's office- JD seemed better-ears looked better;Jeremy and I both had sinusitis and were put on antibiotics;Tatum had gotten a bad infection in the opposite ear while she had been on antibiotics. We are one sad, grumpy household,to say the least.

Fast forward to Sunday ( I know, a whole 2 days,but,whatever). Tatum is have diarrhea about every hour due to this antibiotic she's on- bless her heart! She is potty trained and she cannot control these episodes. She will cough or sneeze and say "mommy, I pooped a litle in my panties- I'm sorry!" It breaks my heart! She absolutely can't help it. Well, I had to work Sunday evening. I had Jeremy run JD by the hospital so that I could do an RSV swab on him- I had a bad dream the other night that he had RSV and he doesn't seem to be getting better. Well,we get the results and he does! AS a preemie momma, it has been instilled in my brain that this is one thing to be feared- RSV can be fatal in a preemie baby. I brought him back to the hospital, to check his oxygen (and to decide what needed to be done from there). His oxygen was good, so I brought him home to talk to his DR tomorrow. I was in tears and the Dr that was in the ER was like- RSV isn't that bad, just watch him- I'm sure he will be fine. I was irate! He has no idea what we have been through- this is not something that I can just watch and do nothing about! He basically just told my I was paranoid and Not to worry. I amm still fuming....

Anyways- how does a baby who doesn't go ANYWHERE; we have well child check ups and never wait in the waiting room, we didn't even go to Christmas functions were there were many people at them, I change my clothes and scrub when I get home from work, AND we get that ridiculously expensive, takes God calling the insurance company himself, RSV shots once a month to prevent RSV??? How did he get RSV??? This has made me beyond sick! And if you know me- and how paranoid I am- just wait, it's gonna get a lot worse now.

Gosh- I really just can't believe this! Plus, I haven't seen my sister or Landon in over a week- I cannot risk giving that sweetie anything!

New Years Emotions

2008-12-31T23:22:00.004-06:00

I have another joural site, but, truthfully, I just don't love it and/or keep it up- so I'm starting this one. I WILL KEEP THIS ONE! I am soon going on bedrest and need some way to keep my loyal subjects in the loop!!!

Today, I have been on a whirlwind of emotions. It seems like every few seconds, my eyes are brimming with tears. This has been, well, some type of year. There is several ways to describe the year- but, we won't divulge into some of those descriptions. 2008 has been both an amazing year- and a struggle. The start of the year was great- I was pregnant with our 2nd child and things were rocking right along. Fast forward to Feb. when it all changed. I once again developed HELLP syndrome and Joel David (JD as you all know him) was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 lb 12.7 oz. He was an amazing fighter! He did remarkably well- disprooving that wussy white boy syndrome label- until he was about 2 weeks old and all our lives came crashing down. JD developed NEC (necrotizing entercolitis); not to go into tons of details, but, NEC kills 90 % of preemies- you do the math! JD struggled with it and prevailed- the only (hopefully) lasting issue from it was his feeding intolerances.

IF you know this boy now, feeding is defintely not an issue for him! He eats everything he can get his hands on! Including whatever is on your plate, then attempts to eat the plate, tags, and shoes are his ultimate fave! JD is now 10 months old- petite, like his sister, but long! He is crawling like a crazy man and starting to climb and pull up on anything that will support him. He did have to have hernia repair in June- but, what had the potential to be such a horrid year for our baby boy, has been a blessing.

Moving on to my Princess! Tatum!!! She has had alot to deal with in this year. With her mommy (she is a momma's girl) being sick and in the hospital for so long- and then JD, her baby brother demanding so much time from his parents, she defintely has had a lot to have attitude about- which she does! I think that 3's have been way worse than 2's- but, Gosh, I love her! She has also had some health issues this year. She was/has been having bouts of throwing up and constantly saying her tummy hurts. After several tests and process of elimination, it was decided she was still dealing with reflux (going all the way back to her preemie days!) We were also finally and reluctantly given the diagnosis of asthma (again, a throw back to the preemie days and good ole oxygen!) Se despises the breathing medicene that she has to do when she is having a flair up.

There's a quick yr in review for the babies- on to me......On to why I'm having such a bad day.......

In Sept, I was going in for Knee surgery and low and behold- I'm pregnant! HUGE shock to the system! Not a good thing.........I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. I have good days and bad days. I know babies are HUGE blessings- but, when you have almost lost the 2 you have, you're kinda gun shy about having anymore. I was also told my many doctors NOT to have anymore!

Fast forward- Both of my kids are sick. Not what any momma wants- especially a preemie momma. Tatum and JD both have bronciolitis and ear infections. Tatum is getting better, but, JD went from a slight runny nose to really sick in a few hours. It is terrifying me knowing what can happen........ I am also struggling with what I know and don't know the new year will bring. I know the new year will be bringing me another precious baby boy- but, I don't know if he will be early or if he will be ok. I honestly don't know if I can handle another tour in the NICU- regardless of how much I love them! I also cannot make my mind STOP thinking about the things that went on this last year- the wonderful people I met, and the precious people and babies, that are with Jesus. What makes me any better than those whose babies are now angels? Weren't they just like me? My heart breaks.

This has been a rambling blog- sorry! I just have so many jumbled up emotions that no one really understands. I'm tired of crying over things that I can't control- but, I need control!!!!!! I hate feeling so lost as I do right now.